This was a seven day experiment, at the end of which I would evaluate the results and see if I wanted to continue or not.
I have and I do.
The good:
- I am more present in my life. I see and feel more.
- I found that I could thoroughly enjoy experiences, even when sober.
- I found that I could cope with two difficult incidents without the crutch of alcohol. I coped better than I would have had I been drinking.
- My life is more enjoyable more of the time. Before, it was like I put joy on hold until I could drink. The sad thing was, I could not find it there, either.
- I feel closer to God. I know He has helped me get through this week - I have no doubt He gave me strength to abstain a few times when it was particularly tough. When I was sinning, I felt separated from Him.
- I have found that it is possible to cope with and even enjoy life without alcohol.
- I sleep much more soundly. I wake up feeling rested and ready to start the day. In fact, it has been a little hard to fall asleep because I look forward to waking up so much.
- I am more available to those around me when they need me. Even when I was not actively drinking, it preoccupied my thoughts so much of the time.
- I've started to become interested in exercising more again as a method of stress relief.
- I've started to become more interested in a lot of things again.
- I found I could soothe myself without alcohol. It took longer, but I could do it.
- I have not purged or overeaten significantly during this time.
- I did not gain weight.
The not-so-good:
- I did not lose weight (part of it could be my period about to start). I thought I would at least lose a pound or so, but...
- I started snacking more, especially in the evenings. I seem to be craving some sort of "reward" to replace drinking.
- I don't have anything that soothes me quite as quickly as alcohol did other than food, and food not nearly as well. All my other coping mechanisms take longer to kick in.
- The anxiety has increased, or seems that way because I am not numbing it any more.
- My face has been breaking out a lot. I don't know if it's related or not, but it's been annoying.
What helped:
- Diet soda. I let myself have as much as I wanted, and it seemed to curb some of the "give me something, NOW" cravings.
- Hard candy. Just started this toward the end of the week, but I'm definitely going to rely on it more next week to keep cravings under control without a huge calorie impact.
- Going for walks, especially with my husband. After a particularly rough day at work on Friday, that's exactly what I did, and it helped a lot. By the end of the three miles, I felt calmer and more clear-headed about the situation, both from the exercise and from talking about it.
- Working in the yard. Doing something with my hands that I could see the results of felt very good.
- Listening to podcasts. This helps distract me.
- Watching mindless TV. It provides a bit of an escape, similar to what alcohol did. But with much less damage to my body and mind.
- Reading trash magazines. Like drinking, it feels like an indulgent escape. Unlike drinking, it is harmless.
- Journaling. Writing these blog posts has been cathartic, and I find a useful tool especially when I am getting that crazy panicky feeling.
- Wandering around a store. I did this Friday as a way to "reward" myself at the end of the week, and for the first fifteen minutes, it felt good. Then I got panicky again and needed to leave, but it did help initially.
- Not feeling guilty if I wasn't always doing something productive. I pretty much gave myself permission to do anything (within reason) except drink, and that was freeing.
Do I want to continue this experiment?
Well, do I want to continue feeling free? Feeling happiness? Being interested in life other than drinking again?
The answer is a resounding YES.
I'm not sure what's ahead, but I know the week behind me has been one of the best of my life. I am willing to keep trying this, one day at a time.
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