Day 9: Lethargy.

This morning, I was 0.9 pounds "lighter" than I was a week ago, if there's truly a difference. I'm still frustrated, though, because I've gained about 6 lbs in the past 6 months. 5 of those pounds were just in the past three months. And the weight gain doesn't seem to be leveling off. t

I know that stopping drinking will help, even if it is hard at first. The reduction alcohol and binge food calories have to show up somewhere eventually. I won't give up.

I feel sad and lethargic today, as well as anxious about next week. I'm trying to channel that anxiety into preparation for next week, which should help reduce the anxiety. I know I can do this. It doesn't have to be perfect. Practicing is the only way I will get better.

Remember, it's to be expected that my emotions will be more intense since I'm not numbing them. It's okay to feel them. I don't think I'm going insane, but sometimes it feels like I am.

All I wanted to do this morning was EAT. It was so hard to direct my focus to work and not just stare at the screen, doing nothing.

It's after lunch and I feel depressed. I've had 650 calories so far. I feel satiated yet sad.