Day 1: In which I find hope in failure.

I blew it.

Last night, I was going to have a couple of glasses of wine as an experiment. Could I do it? Could I drink normally, and find contentment in moderation?

The answer was a resounding 'no', and in my failure, I find hope.

Hope because now I know for sure that life is better without alcohol. I genuinely regret not fully experiencing the time with my family yesterday. I regret being sloppy and not completely with it. I regret overeating and making myself throw up. I regret sleeping terribly and waking up bloated and nauseous with a pounding headache. I regret stepping on the scale to see it rise, again.

I regret choosing that first drink, because the distance between one and too many is terribly short.

But greater than my regrets is my overwhelming desire to live sober. To be fully awake and present in the life God has given me.

I tried moderation, and it did not work. I don't have to drink. I don't have to go down that dark road ever again. It's my choice.

And in this failure, I find freedom.