· Reflect on the daily Bible verse each day (reference it several times). Result: I even found an application within the app where I can make a picture with the verse on it. My favorite verse of the week was this:
· Weigh myself only twice. I think Wednesday and Sunday. Result: Waited to weigh myself until Wednesday. "Lost" 0.4 lbs since Sunday's weigh-in. Who knows if it is real weight, but I was glad to see I had not gained, and I enjoyed having a few days of not having the day affected by the number I saw in the morning. However, Friday-Sunday was rough. I began having small anxiety attacks about what number I was going to see as I felt I had been eating more than usual. I ended up not weighing myself Sunday (today) as planned out of fear of what the number would be. I wish this did not have so much control over me. I do think that twice a week is plenty, but next week I think I will plan on two days with an optional third if needed to quell the anxiety.
· Actively look for opportunities to bless others. Result: I "made time" to talk with my manager for almost 2 hours on Tuesday, including some struggles she's going through. I think it was encouraging to her. It definitely was to me as well. Also, I went out of my way to get information about a small improvement to make her life better. In addition, I gave my coworkers some positive feedback about an event that he ran. Finally, even though I had planned on doing some work, I set these plans aside and offered to help my manager with a task she was struggling with. She was very grateful, and we finished it together. I also tried to be sensitive to my husband's needs as he was recovering from a minor outpatient surgery this week.
· Make an appointment with a counselor. Result: Done, x2! I have an appointment next week and then another with a different provider the following week. After that, I will decide which provider to continue with.
· Practice more mindfulness. Result: I did try to focus more on being present, 'in the moment'. I noticed that it helped with my anxiety. Instead of focusing on all the things that I have to do, I just focused on what I was doing at that moment. Those other things in the future - they will come later, and I'll handle them one at a time. There's no need to overwhelm myself with thinking about them all at once when I won't even have to do them all at once.
· Attend first small group meeting. Result: Done, although I was a little disappointed in how disorganized it was. I came back home and ranted to my husband that there was no reason that 'best practices' that work in other organizations can't also be applied to the church. But I also realized part of my frustration was driven by my ego. I knew (or thought I knew) that I could run the meeting better, and did not like having to take a back seat and let the facilitator do his job. If I perceive the leader as being competent, I don't have a problem being a follower, but it's hard for me when that's not the case. But God's probably trying to teach me something here. It doesn't have to be run my way or even efficiently in order to be beneficial. Maybe I need to make a choice to be patient and be careful to appropriately channel my natural instinct to make things better. God gave me my gifts and talents, and I need to trust him to show me where and how to apply them.
Physical health:
· Continue to limit/eliminate my consumption of white carbs and sugar. Result: It has been a month since I have intentionally begun cutting back on white carbs/sugar, and I have really benefitted from the reduced cravings and more regulated energy. I was doing well until Wednesday, after I fainted while having my blood drawn. I wanted to get my sugar up quickly, which caused some cravings later. Total, I had: 1-2 ounces of apple juice, 4 crackers, 1/2 a chocolate chip cookie, a few bites of wheat bread, and 2 jawbreakers. Not terrible but more than I had been having. I paid for it with a crash later in the afternoon. And a few corn tortilla chips on Saturday evening led to a small (i.e. what someone might normally call a dinner portion) binge and the subsequent overwhelming guilt. I know that sugar and simple carbs are addictive for me, and that I feel much better without them. I don't think I was a huge failure this week, but it does reinforce that I'm better off focusing on lean proteins, healthy fats, and veggies. Also, the physical fatigue has abated somewhat. I'm still not where I was, but I don't feel like constantly falling asleep throughout the day.
· Reduce my caffeine intake. I have so much now that it doesn’t even really have an effect on me any more. Ideally, I would have 2 cups of coffee in the morning and one soda after lunch. Currently, I’m having 5-6 servings a day, and I think it’s stressing my adrenals out. Result: Did good - 2 cups of coffee and one soda per day until Wednesday after the blood draw issue. Then I had a total of 3 cups of coffee, a caffeinated water beverage, and a soda. So more than I wanted to have but it happens. After that, I got back on track with 1-2 cups of coffee in the morning and a diet soda in the afternoon. I'm starting to find myself wanting the soda less and less.
· Eat more of a variety of vegetables. Gotta get those vitamins and minerals! Result: I had cauliflower, cabbage, broccoli, spinach, romaine lettuce, onion, tomatoes (yeah, I know they aren't a veggie but I'm counting them), mushrooms, iceburg lettuce, and cilantro. Good stuff.
· Have sardines at least once. What a nutritional powerhouse. Result: Done! I had them in mustard as part of my lunch. Delicious, low-calorie, and packed with protein. I'll be having them again. Plus I got some anchovies, which are a favorite of mine.
· No alcohol again. If I make it past this next weekend, that will be the longest in months that I have gone without a drink. It’s so worth it. Result: It's Sunday afternoon, which marks 14 days since my last drink. I really wanted to drink last night, and was frustrated that even though I didn't, I still overate. I guess I was looking for some kind of comfort. I have got to figure out better ways to meet this need. But, I'm glad to be abstinent for now. I have noticed an improvement in my depression, which may be in part to the Wellbutrin starting to kick in. But there's no doubt in my mind that abstaining from alcohol is a factor.
· Start taking magnesium supplements. Result: Started every other day. Maybe helping with the energy?
· Daily: 150mg Wellbutrin, ½ stim, 2000 IU Vitamin D, multivitamin, 500mg calcium, 2 fish oil capsules. Every other day: Magnesium. Result: Done.
· 3-4 times: sleep supplement. Result: Only took 1-2 times this week. I was sleepy enough the other days that I didn't think I needed it, but I admit I had problems falling asleep most nights this week.
· Try to avoid ibuprofen and Tylenol when possible. Result: Took 1 ibuprofen for a headache Tuesday night and acetaminophen for the same on Wednesday afternoon. When the headaches are severe enough to interfere with work or sleep, I feel I need to take something. Over the weekend, I took 4 ibuprofen and 2 acetaminophen, both for headaches. I believe the headaches were related to not drinking enough water. I have gotten into a routine at work with water consumption, and at home I forgot to drink as much.
· Make an appointment with an endocrinologist. Result: Done, scheduled for October 17. I'm looking forward to continuing the investigation into the root cause(s) of my fatigue.
· Go on 2-3 runs. Result: Ran a new route on a university campus on Tuesday which was very enjoyable. It took some planning to find it, but I'm glad I made the effort. I felt good during the run, even though it was humid out. And I wasn't as tired in the evening after I got back. On Thursday, I went for a run around the neighborhood (about 3 miles). I was going to go for a run today (Sunday), but after yesterday's bike ride, I think I might give my legs a break and just go for a long walk.
· Go for a bike ride. Result: Done - an 8 mile bike ride around a nearby lake. It was nice. I found myself out of breath a lot as it has been a while since I have gone for a significant bike ride. But, this is a start.
· Strength training at least twice. Result: Not done, beyond a half-hearted attempt earlier in the week.
· Go ahead and get a membership at Planet Fitness. It’s not that much per month, and it would really encourage me to ramp up the strength training. Result: Not done, because I want to wait until the start of the new month for billing purposes.
Work:
· Make more progress on pre-press project. Result: Identified top customer to target for improvement, and had a positive discussion about this with the manager in charge of the department that interacts with the customers. For the internal bottleneck, I spent a couple of hours with the individual in that process. I really enjoyed the time, and learned a lot, especially about what some of the pain points were. I have enough material to start to move forward on making improvements there.
· Run 2 cadence review calls. Result: First one had no technical hitches but we ran out of time before we could get to everyone. I learned I needed to add some buffer time to the scheduling. My boss was on the call, and she said I did well. The second call went much more smoothly. I also felt like I handled a couple of awkward situations fairly well. I still need practice but I'm feeling more confident - and so is my boss. She said that from now on I will be doing all the cadence reviews for my region - typically a master black belt job. It is more work, but will be a great experience for me.
· Effectively communicate to our executive vice president the value of one of my coworker’s work. He is trying very hard to do the right thing for our company, and he needs support. Results: Very good. Our EVP was very supportive of the process and I enjoyed the conversation with him. He gave me 40 minutes of his time, even though we had only scheduled 30. He did express to me his frustration with the progress of the project, so it's even more imperative that we deliver results on-time.
Other:
· Send in foster parent paperwork. Results: Done.
· More reading! I have two memoirs and a book on faith lined up. Results: I discovered a great blog, http://frankbeard.org/, which I stayed up way too late reading. I skimmed through the memoir, which was actually a collection of essays.
· Take care of my husband after his surgery Friday morning. Result: Done. Cooked for him, kept him company, and made sure he was comfortable. I also tried to stay around the house when I could to keep him company.
· Order more contact lenses. Result: Found out Monday morning that they had my prescription, but I would have to come in-person to order them. On Sunday, I decided not to fight the chaotic traffic in that area. But next week, my husband and I will likely go see a movie in that neck of the woods, so I can get it done then.
· Cook for my husband, including freezing some meals for him to have during the week. I want him to have options other than having to always prepare food for himself. Result: Started planning during the week. Cooked the meals over the weekend, one per day. This was actually not a great idea. Although the good thing is that there is about a dozen meals in the freezer for him, cooking prompted two episodes of subjective overeating and compensatory purging. I'm really discouraged about that right now, but at least I know what I need to do in the future to prevent this. Cooking in such large portions has always been a trigger for me. I don't know why I thought it would not be this time, maybe because I wouldn't have the negative effects of alcohol impeding my decision-making. In addition, the entire effort, from shopping to cleaning up, took about 5-6 hours. I'm not sure that is worth my time. I think instead, I can make sure that we have enough meat in the freezer for him to use during the week. While I think he appreciates the cooking, it's definitely not worth harming myself. He would agree because we have talked about it before. I guess I just thought I was stronger now, but there's no reason that I should be, given that I'm going through something of a relapse. It was overambitious to think I could handle this, and I have learned my lesson. I will move on and try not to make the same mistake again. Even just writing about this makes me feel so much better. I was really feeling down and angry at myself for messing up.
Other (not originally goals but still good things that happened):
- I was able to get in for a yearly physical! The doctor was extremely nice and while she didn't have any great ideas regarding my fatigue, she ordered some blood tests to investigate further. It is reassuring to have a primary care provider now that I feel comfortable with.
- I did not take my regular stimulant medication on Friday and Saturday. I figure it would be good to give my mind and body a break. It wasn't too bad. On Friday, I took a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, but I was not too sleepy on Saturday and I am not today either.
- I made a plan of task to complete during the 3 days off, and I made decent progress toward completing a good portion of them. And the day's not over yet.
- Instead of being frustrated at being stuck in traffic on Thursday, I used the time to listen to a podcast. I'm glad I did. I learned about leanhub.com, which prompted me to look into other self-publishing platforms. I think that is the direction I would like to try to take my book. Traditional publishing seems antiquated, and I think I can get my book out sooner and perhaps to a wider audience this way.
- Prompted by this information, I completed the edits of two more chapters of my book, leaving 3-4 chapters remaining. I have not worked on it in a long time, so it was very encouraging to make some progress on this.
- I was less motivated by a need to be recognized or respected at work, and more motivated by a desire to simply help.
- The body anxiety reached extremes on Saturday and Sunday. I started my period, which added a little bloat and a lot of worry. Even now, I am still scared about what the number will be the next time I weigh myself. But I'm going to try to wait until Tuesday. I can do this.
I have mixed feelings about this week. I started off strong, but kind of tapered off at the end. Fortunately, next week is more routine and there won't be as many stretches of unplanned activity. I am looking forward with hope.
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