I gained a pound and 0.1 inch since yesterday's weigh-in and now I'm freaking out and questioning everything. My weight is the same as it was last week at this time, when I was drinking. So what's the point?
I need to remember why I am doing this. It's about much more than weight. Besides, the right process will yield the right results. This is the right process. The results will come. Right now my body is healing and adjusting to the new normal.
The gain could be a normal fluctuation, or it could be because I have been snacking more in the evenings, probably to try to fill the void.
I have noticed that I am feeling things more now that I'm not numbing them like before. The anxiety is stronger, but I'm able to channel some of it into productive preparation. I would say I have accomplished more at work this week than last week.
Remember, this is a 7 day trial to try and see if this way is better.
Despite the "gain", it still is. I'm better able to focus and take more delight in the smaller things. The time that I'm not drinking (all the time, now) is better than it was before, although I miss the anticipation. I have to find other things to look forward to. Other ways to soothe myself that aren't destructive.
I know it is better this way. I can't let the emotions, which are stronger now that I'm not numbing them, sabotage my progress.
I just wish I could lose the weight. But first things first. First, I must lose the sickness.
Even though the weekend will be dry, I'm still looking forward to it. Life is more than alcohol.
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