Day 7.1: Where I found I could cope.

There's something about making the better, albeit more difficult, choice that is incredibly empowering.

I did not drink last night. I wanted to, so badly. Instead, I told myself I could do anything (within reason) except drink.

So I stopped at Big Lots and looked at random things. I bought a bag of chips and a bag of cookies and ate a little of each and threw the rest away. I got stuck in traffic, and remembered the time I was stuck and frustrated and just went ahead and opened the bottle of vodka. I was grateful there was no bottle to open this time. There was also less of that desperate fuel inside my head.

Then I texted my husband and asked him if he would go for a walk with me when I got home. I stopped at Walmart and got diet soda and three big bags of mulch. Then we went for a three mile walk, during which we both ranted and vented about our bad days. Hearing about his bad day helped put mine in perspective.

I could not have done that if I was drinking.

After we were done, I felt a little better, but I had more work to do. I put a podcast on, and split open those bags of mulch. As the dirt and sweat began to accumulate on my skin, the feelings of loss, fear, and anger began to dissipate.

I showered and it felt good. I got four popsicles (yes, four), and went to bed and read for a couple of hours. When I turned the lights out, however, I could not fall asleep.

I tossed and turned. I thought about getting up, but I did not. Before finally drifting off to sleep, I remember feeling excited about the upcoming day. The plans for which did not include drinking, for once.

I did not sleep well and woke up too early. But it was still better than any morning after a night of drinking. I drank my coffee and ate my sugary cereal, then I let myself have a diet soda. And it was okay.

Those feelings last night of tension, sadness, loss, anger? They did pass, even with a poor night's sleep.

God has given me this day, and for that, I am grateful. I believe He will help get me through this night, the first dry Saturday in a very long time.

I wonder what Sunday morning will feel like. My first week of sobriety